I have noticed lately that I am not being kind to myself and my health / abilities. I keep thinking, "I am not well" at certain high pressure times and I want to change this internal dialogue and censure myself from being so negative.
This is strange because in all ways, I have been super positive and light but my knee jerk reaction when pushed is to say, "Well, I am not well.", or "I am tired." or, "I cannot do this." Instead, I want to say, "I am well." or, "I am not too tired to do that." or, "I can do this."
In everything else, I think, "I am healed" but when it comes to the day to day, nitty gritty, I fall into negative thoughts and speech patterns.
Just thinking about my December has me shuddering in the corner - but I have to literally shake that off and think instead about all I can do and not what I "cannot".
I have already moved through so many things I did not expect to accomplish. I had ovaries removed and survived Thanksgiving in November. September and October were spent hibernating and resting and before that the summer was crazy.
I just completed the 17th month of my clinical trial of the drug Ibrance and that has held me back in some ways because I know if I run a fever, I have to go to the hospital to be checked out. There is a total of 24 months to this cycle so now I am thinking about how much my life might change when the trial is over - how much I can maybe expect to be less tired and hopefully continue to stave off progression and continue to be NED.
This month I have the following things / events to handle including basketball games every weekend, my birthday, the Nets tickets we won (at a holiday fair), my BIRTHDAY, Christmas, New Year's, 9/11 Monitoring Program and Sloan follow ups, and work and other initiatives and more.
I will admit that I am tired just looking at that paragraph but that I can do it, I will do it and I will work on how I talk to myself and about myself. I am healthy, I am able and I am restful during the evening and able to function during the day.
How do you talk to yourself?
Super Mom BC Eradicator - connect with me via the icons above :). Thanks! XOXO LISA (my secret identity ... )