I get that my spiritual devotion post was #TLDR, so I want to do a nutshell recap of what changed my life - the trip to Europe 14+ years after my last trip and more than 21 years since my first trip.
Living in Italy at 21 years old was an amazing gift -something that has always, no matter HOW bad my "luck" seemed, brought a smile to my face. That I, a little girl from Staten Island could leave the country despite NEVER having lived on my own and NEVER having been to Europe and just ALL of the things that had been working against me - coming from a "broken" home, having my mom leave the family and then almost die in a car crash and then being the surrogate mom for my brothers, keeping everything in order and worrying ALL of the time - it was an amazing kind of hat trick to pull out of nowhere but one which I do believe was guided by a greater force - for me, my faith and religion.
What were the chances that I, at best a B- student in High School would get to college and pull straight A's and run multiple activities and get in to the President's Society, the entre to my full tuition scholarship to our Rome Italy campus, given to me by mentor, may he RIP.
Well, moving to Europe that first time changed my life, took away my My Cousin Vinny accent, showed me the world and with me my brothers, mom and dad who also got to travel to see the world when they visited me.
It also changed my trajectory in life and gave me confidence and an understanding that the world was beyond just a small urban city outside of THE CITY, NYC.
Now going back as a mom and a wife for the first time after 14+ years of NOT going anywhere or doing much for me (except after experiencing cancer at 39 and realizing I had to take care of myself and do things for ME Lisa but who knew that would entail going to Europe??). I never thought a visit back to Italy was in the cards for me - full stop. I am broke, unemployed, a full time mom and just a nut about it - and my husband welllll is a typical dad. (LOL).
I did it anyway and it showed me that I am still that idealistic young woman who turned her life around - who did not wind up a young mom or in any other bad situation that could have been my path without a "mom" living at home and having to experience losses at a young age - despite that, I was strengthened and always used to say, "what does not kill me, makes me stronger". But then I got weak. Really weak. I was unable to NOT be with my kids. I was unable to go places like I used to - just the idea of traveling into NYC was enough to make me want to faint.
I realize even now that I am NOT "fearless" though that is my goal... instead I remind myself anytime I think "I cannot do this" by saying, " Yes, you can, you can do hard things, you survived cancer - just DO IT!"
What a difference when your inner critic is put on silent mode and your inner mean girl is not allowed to rip into you anymore. Here's to new adventures and being fearless! What do you do to help motivate yourself to move forward?
Super Mom BC Eradicator - connect with me via the icons above :). Thanks! XOXO LISA (my secret identity ... )